Center of Attention
by lootkey
Summary: A drabble/song-fic to Jackson Waters's song Center of Attention. James snaps at Lily for playing with his emotions. James's epiphany. Lily explains that she never really hated James, the dork that he is. James explains the mystery that is Lily Evans and her vivaciousness in such a dark war. T for some swearing.


Look Paige tried to write! Unedited. Song Inspiration: **Center of Attention by Jackson Waters.**

_Disclaimer: _I do not claim rights to the lyrics in italics nor the characters in this drabble thing.

* * *

_You want your independence / But you won't let me let you go_

"God damn it Evans!" He cried. His hand was buried in his restless black hair, a look of pure anguish on his face, "You can't keep doing this to me! It's completely unfair!"

"I don't know what you're talking about Potter, I'm not doing anything to you!" Lily had never seen him look more lost. Her heart was breaking as she looked at him, even though she had no clue what he was talking about.

"It's like you enjoy torturing me. As if you get some sadistic thrill out causing me pain! Honestly, as soon as I attempt to move on from you, you turn around and flirt with me like I actually have a bloody chance. But once I start pursing you again, you don't want anything to do with me! You won't let me in!" His voice was rasping, his hazel eyes full of clouded emotion behind his wiry, square glasses, "It's like a game of cat and mouse and I'm sick of being your damn mouse!"

Lily, for the first time, looked at him, actually took a good look at him. She never realized how his cheeks held the faintest hint of pink when he was around her or how he was constantly moving, whether it was his fingers tapping at his sides or shifting his weight from leg to leg.

"I don't mean to."

He tensed at this and suddenly the hurt that was written all over his face now turned to thinly concealed anger. "You don't mean to? Like that makes it fucking okay to toy with my emotions? Honestly Evans, half the time you treat the Slytherins better than you treat me!" He hands were balled into fists at his sides.

"I'm done," He whispered, looking at her fiercely, "I'm giving up for good this time. I hope you're happy."

He turned sharply and walked briskly away, even breaking into a mild jog a little while later. Lily felt like crying, her stomach had tied itself into knots three times over. She out her head down and walked toward the common room, hoping to just sleep off the overwhelming feeling to sob.

Seeing the somewhat fresh blood on the bricks next to the entrance of the common room only succeeded in making Lily feel worse, if that was possible.

* * *

_But I'll take my time if you want to / And I'll give you whatever you need / And I'll wait a lifetime to give in to you_

Who was he kidding? He would never be done fancying Lily Evans. He would chop off an arm if that's what she needed. He would bend over backwards twice if it would make her happy. He hated that about himself, but he knew it was true. He didn't understand how one silly girl had his thoughts in tangles and had him doodling her initials in the corner of his parchment. That bloody girl had him tripping over tied shoelaces and fumbling over his words and blurting out what he was thinking just because she would smile at him. He was mooning over a girl that thought he had the maturity of a child in primary school.

Sitting on the edge of his four-poster, he put his head in his hands. At times like this, he wished he was Sirius. Sirius, who had no problem getting birds to do what he wanted. He had them lined up at all times and knew exactly what to say to them all.

He wished he was like Remus, who got along with her almost flawlessly. He never understood why they got along so well, Remus enjoyed the pranking and mischief just as much as James did. Hell, Remus came up with the ideas for half of the endeavors!

He even was envious of fucking Peter, who Lily was always genuinely kind to. While they never sought each other out for company, at least Peter and Lily got along amicably most of the time.

He sighed, it was ridiculous to dwell on these things. James knew he would wait forever for Lily Evans, much to his own displeasure.

* * *

_You think that you're the sun / The whole world revolves around you_

"I don't hate him. Potter wouldn't be such a bad bloke if he didn't have an ego the size of the entire castle."

Anyone who has ever asked Lily Evans why she hated Potter so much has heard this line over and over. Usually, a scoff and a roll of the eyes follows her response but she pays it no mind.

She doesn't hate him, truly. If Potter would act like a normal human being for more than five minutes at a time she doesn't doubt that they could be friends. He just needs to grow up a bit. No doubt being the only child of rich, pure blooded parents resulted him to be spoiled and immature as a child and into adolescence. He had enough other redeeming qualities. His loyalty and complete trust in his friends, his cleverness, often the occasional glimmer of kindness to a lost first year, and his quick wit. He was an absolute gentleman without thinking, most likely because of his mother. They were all very admirable things, if you could stand to be in the same room as his arrogance.

She didn't understand why the boy and his friends walked around like the world revolved around them. Although, the constant gaggle of admirers and the Hogwarts rumor mill's obsession with them only serves to enlarge that massive ego of his. He was never that way with her.

When it came to her, Potter was almost boyish. His face would hold the slightest hint of a flush when she would be around to talk to Remus. He would accidentally mess up the most terrible pick-up lines, resulting in her laughing and him turning an even darker shade of pink. Once, when copying his Arithmancy notes, she even found the initials LE doodled in the margins along with the scribbles of quaffles and quidditch hoops. Of course, he ruined the moment of it by mumbling something defensive and arrogant.

* * *

_The center of attention / And everything is drawn to you_

She was always on the forefront of his mind. Her bright green eyes were embedded in his mind with that cheeky glint they had after she would say something particularly clever. Her laugh that was awkwardly breathless and loud that she hated but he loved because it was so uniquely _Lily_ that he just had to laugh whenever she did. James could never forget that crookedness to her grin after one of the Marauder's pranks succeeded.

There was a constant draw to her that he couldn't escape. She was beautiful yes, but Lily Evans was so much more than that. Lily Evans was, more importantly, so full of life it was hard not to be drawn to her. She would laugh the hardest at the smallest and simplest of jokes that Marlene would tell her at breakfast. She was one of the bravest people James had ever met with the way she would never ever back down from Sirius's most ridiculous dares. He would always remember the night in 5th year when Lily drank firewhiskey for the first time just because Sirius dared her to.

James was not drawn to her because of her beauty, but instead he was so interested in the oddity that was Lily Evans and how even in the darkest of times during the war, Lily Evans shined brighter than ever.


End file.
